Friday 12 August 2011

Collars, whats all this about then? Physical/Symbolic theory

So this is an interesting topic, at least to me.  Anyway I'm going to define my terms up front.  This is likely to be the last bout of theory for a good while as I'll start to work through my backlog of posting links.

Symbolic-collar or Collar (capital C): a general term for a token used to acknowledge a power exchange.  Collar may also refer to the exchange relationship itself.

Physical-collar collar (lowercase C): An object that closes or wraps around the neck.  A physical item worn by a person.

Collared: A person may be said to be "collared" when they wear, or experience, a Collar.  Being part of a power exchange relationship, no matter how small scale, subtle or individual.



So the idea of a Collar is most frequently seen in D/s relationships, in that it demonstrates the exchange of power or responsibility between the parties involved: the S-type (sub, slave, servant, pet, possession, etc) gives some of their power to the D-type (Dom, daddy, master, sir, owner etc) willingly.  While this can be seen as a game by some I feel it realistically has as much or as little power as other games that exist in peoples lives, i.e. it varies between people and may be anything from the outward trappings of their relationship to a deep and vital need at the core of their being.  Its not important at which level such things exist in your relationship (in terms of playing "more D/s than you"), but is is important to know which level is important for you and to live your life as close to this ideal as safely possible, to live true to yourself.  This Collar (symbolic) may be symbolised by a collar (physical) or not.

An aside about game-like behaviors: many relationships, jobs, hobbies, sports etc. have many game-like qualities in that you can walk away, you can play by the rules or not, you can play outside the rules.  But there are rules and penalties for not following them.  However there are things that while their implementation (e.g. relationships) are game-like, the drive themselves (e.g. a desire to be wanted and in love) are not game-like and are innate to the functioning of that person.  D/s relationships fall into this category for many people, in that while the implementation (relationship) is game-like, the drive (a desire as above, but including an unequal power balance with another) is again innate or strongly linked to the functioning of the person, it may be erotic or it may be simply a drive that exists in that person, some people just function better as a D-type or a S-type, although they may not use those words or acknowledge that such behavior is going on.

Once seen this way, Collars can be frequently seen in the world.  ID badges, access tokens or key fobs, or even contracts of employment function as "work Collars", these things carry connotations of trust in someone.  The business trusts the individual, but it has power over them, they serve its wishes in a partnership and are rewarded by it for this.  Widening the scope a little, uniforms fall into this category.  They demonstrate a level of belonging and give rank, both things that could be conveyed by collars.  In many institutions lower level staff are required to wear certain kinds of uniform - featuring bright colours and logos, while management are required to wear business attire, formal suits that give them the freedom to look like they work anywhere.  This two tier model is a clear Collar as it demonstrates a power inequality between management and the workers.  Additionally learning to recognise such patterns is useful for attempting to undermine them, or to maximize your freedom inside them.  This is why I think some places have a required amount of uniform flair (i.e. a requirement of at least N personal customisations to the uniform) as this removes the ability to subvert the Collar by customising the uniform, turning it into another method of enforcing control.

In relationships Collars can be seen represented either as traditional neck collars (physical) or as any number of other things.  Rings, cuffs, necklaces, tattoos, brands, items of clothing, piercings etc.  Their form does not determine what they signify to the wearer and giver, their outward form may be a disguise so the wearer knows the meaning and can take comfort, or derive power and determination from it, but the outside world doesn't know what it is and cannot judge or penalize its wearer.

collars (physical) I tend to divide into two main categories, which mostly (but not always) relate to them being a power-exchange token or not.  I tend to divide collars up into into "personal collars" and "shared collars".

If a collar is "personal" then it probably belongs to the person who wears it, its something they put on and off as they wish, and it symbolises whatever they choose.    A personal collar in the end can only be defined as one that belongs to the wearer and has connotations only to them.

Perhaps its to demonstrate their tastes for BDSM and perhaps indicate that others can subtly talk to them about it, or perhaps they just like how it feels to wear it (collars can feel like a warm neck hug), or perhaps they use it to get them into a relaxed or other mindset (a collar could be used to get you into the mood for housework for example, but it would depend on the person if that makes it a fun collar they enjoy wearing to get into the role of a maid/cleaner/organised-person or a serious Collar that binds them to the gestalt entity of your house and doing work to make it a better place).  The most common example of a personal collar is also often called a play collar.  A collar owned by the person for individual scenes of BDSM play.  Usually that the bottom wears to the scene and the top uses to restrain them, one they put on themselves, and take off after the scene.

A "shared collar" on the other hand is probably a Collar, and the best definition I can come up for it is a physical neck collar that is also a Collar, a token of power.

Generally it represents trust and the bond between the person whose wearing it and others (either a individual D-type or a group such as a House).  Usually there are rules governing it's wear, and certain behaviors expected when it is worn.  Often someone else will take it on or off, or there may be rituals involved to symbolically reinforce the power exchange in the relationship as its taken on or off (and indeed such exchange may only exist while the collar is being worn, although its more likely that the relationship is extant without relationship to a material object worn around the neck, the true exchange of power exists as the relationship (the power behind the Collar) the physical collar is just a token of that).

However all relationships are individual and the wearer may be allowed to take it off at will.  There may be rules attached to it, not to lose it or damage it, to allow people to inspect it or not.  Again these things grow from the Collar and are individual relationship.  If the collar is a "play collar" (i.e. used for restraint in BDSM) it may need to be physically robust and offer an attachment point, however if its merely a symbolic "day collar" it can take any form and be as delicate as desired.  This has given rise to a situation in which many Collared individuals will have two (or more) physical-collars to represent their Collar.  More robust ones for play, and more light-weight ones for day-to-day wear.

Now it has been stated by some that to wear a collar around ones neck is indicative of submissive behavior at all times, i.e. to wear a collar is to indicate one is a sub and is somehow a submissive act in and of itself.  I rather dispute this however, I don't see a reason why if the D-type just likes wearing a collar, either for fun or to demonstrate their end of a power exchange they shouldn't.  Equally some people who have no interest in D/s may wear a fun collar simply for fun, or to indicate a taste for BS&M (bondage, sadism, masochism) and I dispute the notion that all collars worn are worn by S-types.

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